Parenting Teens: Friend or Parent?
Every parent is prone to being a certain type of parent, usually in the extreme. Some are prone to being too strict and not allowing teens to govern themselves while others fail to provide any structure or accountability. As it is with anything in life, moderation is the key to a balanced style of successful parenting. This then brings us to the question of whether a parent should be a friend or a parent.
Don't Try To Hard
True it is that parents should be approachable and should provide an environment where their teens feel they are free to express themselves and voice opinions and concerns. However, parents should be less concerned with being accepted socially by their teens and more concerned in teaching them to become responsible, healthy adults.
Adolescence is a sometimes difficult and awkward transition from childhood to adulthood. Teens need a good example, not someone who wants to fit in with them and their friends. Teens have enough peers already; they don't need or even want their parents to attempt to fill that role. No, teens need to be given responsibility and shown an example of how to live their life. If you don't fill this role, who will? .
What happens when parents are "friends" before parents to their teens? There are several key consequences of parents attempting to be friend before being a parent. Although teens aren't as wise as they sometimes think, they aren't dummies either. They will pick up on what their parent is trying to do. Depending on the teen, they will either resent the behavior, exploit the behavior, or to be blunt, they will lose respect for that parent. Any of these consequences can be detrimental to your relationship with your teen.
Many teens think they know everything that they need to know about life, but many of those same teens are extremely insecure and try to cover their lack of confidence with a showing of plain arrogance. The truth is they need their parents to be there in the role of a parent. This may not be something that they will voice openly or even acknowledge, but they will, down the road, thank you for being true to your role as their parent and not just their friend. They will come to understand that in reality part of the definition and role of a parent is friend, but it is secondary. Ultimately, teens will come to respect on most likely honor you more when you first fill the role as their parent.
As parents come to realize the importance of becoming a balanced parent, they will see that they can have the greatest impact on their teen and surpass friendship to the higher relationship of father/mother and child.
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